Well It's the first day of Coachella....for me anyway. I'm working so I had to come out here a day early to do a training/orientation thing. I really like the way every thing is laid out this year. I have a pretty good location right in the center of all the action. Hopefully it doesn't get too crowded though. Today was a pretty easy day since I just had to get out here and do a 3 hour training. Then I had free time to go explore. Some of our friends from past events are here. The Playstation crew and everyone from Red Bull. I love when I work at events where I have done promo modeling for the other sponsors attending because they always make sure you get really spoiled and the more of them you know the more they take care of you. There was a dance party tonight just for fun. The Coachella crew really knows how to have a good time. Now I'm just trying to prep for the inevitable casualties of each events. Someone always loses something at big events. Sunglasses, earrings, keys (that was a fun one), and occassionally clothing  It's going to be a good weekend.  

If loving someone and getting hurt is the worst thing you have every experienced then you don’t know what pain is. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt at all, because I KNOW it does. Sometimes it’s so bad that you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, and all you can do is cry because you miss that person so much. Love can f*ck you up to the point that you don’t even know how you’re ever going to keep going. The thing is, you do. Whether you mean to or not you move on. You just have to let it work itself out and have enough faith in yourself to know that eventually you’ll be ok. The pain doesn’t always go away but after time it becomes more manageable. I’ve been in love I’ve been hurt before. It’s wrecked me in new ways each time. I didn’t think it could get worse and then I would get blindsided from a completely different angle and it would be a whole new kind of pain that I wasn’t prepared for. I always heal from it though. My heart may be a tattered up little patchwork of a thing now but I still have lots of love to give. I’m surprised at how many people say they hate love or avoid love because they don’t want to get hurt. Doesn’t being alone hurt? So in the end you aren’t really doing yourself any favors anyway. I think they are robbing themselves of happiness. Yeah you may love someone and yeah you may get hurt…more than once even, but it’s worth it. I think so anyway. When my friend Rick died one of the messages I got at his funeral was that life is about love and the relationships we make. You can’t take cars, or money with you. It’s all about love. I know I could get hurt and as a matter of fact probably will but that’s ok. I’m not afraid to get my feelings hurt once in a while. I’ll recover. I think love is one of the best things a person can give you and I’m not going to let the fear of getting hurt stop me from loving anybody. I have been thinking about this a lot lately so I have been asking people about it. These are some of the responses I got.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

“I’m not scared of that. I’m scared of not being enough for anyone else.”

“Not really to be honest. Love is risky and if your willing to risk that then you have already accepted that you may get hurt.” (I couldn’t agree more)