Anonymous asked: what is jonnie’s favorite amusement park?

Jonnie’s favorite amusement park is Love Land in south Korea, a place where sexually-oriented art and eroticism meet. Since most of the couples honeymooning there had arranged marriages they have a bunch of adult entertainment for newlyweds to break the ice. Since Jonnie has an arranged marriage to an avatar he can relate. Plus who doesnt love phallus art right? :-/

Anonymous asked: what are the most important things in their life?

Pants surely do not make it on this list, neither do people who drive past and honk obnoxiously. Realistically I would say family but since thats no fun I’m going to have to say

Duncan- Blonde Girls or sex…or a combination of both (can I say that on here? Well I just did) 

Ben- Fannypacks and dogs (Dogs wearing fannypacks perhaps?)

Dave- speedos duh

Jonnie- Sombreros

Anonymous asked: When are all the birthdays?

The dates have been posted a million times so if you wanted the real answer you came to the wrong place. Ok right answer in cryptic form. Hope you like playing detective.

Hmm how to make this a little more interesting….

I’m only doing month and day not the year

Duncan was born on the same day Pompei was buried by the Mt. Vesuvius eruption

Ben was born on the same day that Julius Ceaser crossed the Rubicon and started the civil war (do you guys remember his Ceaser hair cut? Yikes!)

Dave was born on the same day that 5 canterbury monks reported something exploding on the moon. (they didnt realize they had just witnessed Dave’s birth from really far away)

Jonnie was born on the same day that the first state liquor store opened in Pennsylvania.

Anonymous asked: What else is on their personal lists?

Ride into battle on a pegacorn

Wipe that smirk off mona lisa’s face/ add a moustache

Get shown on a jumbotron for doing something really stupid

Start an un-bucket list

Have a house with a secret room

Rob a bank

have a threesome

Some of these may or may not be true

Anonymous asked: how tall is Jonnie? he looks so short!

Taller than me. I’m 5’7 so guessing by comparison in the picture I took with him I would have to say 5’11? Oh wait… I’m supposed to be lying. Shoot!

Jonnie is about the size of the bald eagles at the zoo. The big ones not the midget ones. Also noteworthy, Jonnie Penn has huge hands. I say that every time but it is true. HUGE ladies, just sayin

Anonymous asked: does any of them have a girlfriend?

Dont even get me started on do vs does right now

Jonnie, as previously stated is betrothed to an avatar

Dave is in an open relationship with Duncan. Pennwood will be starting their own swingers club as soon as Dunc takes over playboy 

Duncan is secretly apprenticing with Hef and will take over the mansion when he’s gone. No doubt his love for blondes and abilities to charm multiple girls at one time will serve him well.

Ben is single and ready to mingle but only if your a cat lady. You must have loads of cats. If your cat has been to space you may trump all the other cat ladies.

Anonymous asked: What’s jonnie’s favorite band?

tankini, the more conservative version of bikini. Not that he’s all that into conservative but he loves the lead singer because she’s not blue like his future wife. He is also a big fan of the backstreet boys.

Anonymous asked: How do you know what is on their personal lists?

Did you ever see raiders of the lost ark? Well the boys pretty much engraved their personal lists onto golden tablets and hid them in an Egyptian pyramid. They have all sorts of spikes, fire, snakes, scorpions, and other traps to guard their list. I’m quite the adventurer and I’m not deterred by TBL challenges so I went to that pyramid and just like Indiana Jones (only in much smaller clothes) I got through all those traps and I snatched that list right out of there. Now I have it in my own hiding place and TBL is too afriad to come get it.

Anonymous asked: Why is Jonnie so blonde? And why isn't Pennwood not married yet? It's legal in NYC now....

Jonie is so blonde for 2 reasons

1- During the wait for season 3 to get picked up Jonnie had to become a cashier to keep makin the paper. Studies show that blonde cashiers appear to be more calm and the shoppers prefer them over other cashiers so the Penn’s were in luck. Well Dunc was doing his charm thing and Jonnie has to stay competetive so he went even blonder.

2- He is secretly trying to beat Dave at the  list item grow a moustache. Blonde facial hair grows faster (or so they say).

Pennwood wont get married because they are going to become swingers and because Duncan doesnt want to settle down yet

Anonymous asked: True or false...........Dunc is really an alien sent here to impregnate as many girls as possible?

false. Alien possibly, baby machine no. Dunc is Dave’s father. After the explosive birth of sir David Lingwood it was all over. Dunc had to throw his hands in the air and say ok no more children for me.

Anonymous asked: I heard TBL are really super heroes....what are their super hero names!

napalmator aka Dave Lingwood (sometimes referred to as sexual napalm). Super powers include lots of fire and explosives obviously, the ability to give someone a bloody nose telepathically, and understand what ants are saying to each other.

cyborg lad aka Jonnie Penn the boy is a cyborg but we love him anyway. He can see through carpet, make enemies sound like game show hosts, and change the color of armadillos at will.

Sham ripper aka Ben Nemtin. He can rip shams to shreds in a nano second. He can even rip 3 at a time! He can also single handedly change the definitions of words in the dictionary.

space bull aka Duncan Penn because he’s the stud in the sky. Known for his ability to appeal to any member of the preferred sex but only when the lights are dim, teleport your underwear 12 miles from where you are standing, super healing power for sunburns and hangnails,  and his ability to make people smell things that arent really there.

Anonymous asked: Who did Duncan do in Brazil?

That is a great question. Lucky for you I know the answer. I took a peek into my crystal ball and you know what I saw? Not a blonde! Thats right ladies and gentlemen, NOT A BLONDE. Our dear sweet Duncan spent his time in Brazil with a mythical goddess. A true Brazillian beauty, but who could blame him? He fell for those brown almond shaped eyes and fluttering eyelashes. Plus she had perfect pouty lips and legs for miles. Eyes, lips, legs, hips…the poor guy was smitten, but thats what happens with volcano goddesses. Good thing he’s home cuz I hear after a hook up with her no one gets out alive. Its a miracle he survived!

Anonymous asked: What type of girl will Dunc settle down with?

It’ll be tough to beat T-Swift, exploding women, The Napalmator, and the goddess but there is a girl out there for Dunc. Not just any girl will do for our hero. He is the space bull after all. Dunc will surprise everyone (well he would have surprised you all if I wasnt telling you the future right now) by settling down with an angelic looking classic pinup model. She’ll have a thing for not wearing much but knowing what parts to cover to drive him crazy. She’ll bake cookies and wear bows in her hair then she’ll clean him out in a poker game while she smokes a cuban and sips on some Johnny walker. The happy couple will meet when she drives the get away motorcycle after he robs a bank.

Anonymous asked: Where can I find more pictures of tbl?

As one of the boys early fundraising attempts they started a paysite called imnotnaked.com It has all kinds of pictures of the boys from the early days. You can also read their diary, check out their wishlist, sign up for their cam shows, and see weekly photo and video updates. All the paysite girls were so jealous when they won an award at the AVN’s

Anonymous asked: What is the story about Dave’s mother?

Katy Perry in futuristic lover is loosely based off of Dave’s mother. Her father was a one eyed lawn gnome that got stranded in space while trying to join a of ewoks which is where he met her mother. Dave’s mother Met Dunc during her rebelious teen years and thats how Dave came about. No one knew Lingwoods cannot be born in space without blowing things up. Why do you think they are trying so hard to get to space now?

Anonymous asked: How did you get past the traps in the pyramid?

The boys are pretty smart but you can’t stop me when I’m on a mission. I have a few tricks up my sleeve when it comes to getting past TBL security traps. I can’t tell you all my secrets though or you would all be stealing secret Buried Life artifacts

Anonymous asked: Why did Ben and Whitney Break up?

They were to the point where they had to move in with each other or break up. Ben took one look at the shower, decided he wasnt ready to be a father, and that was that.

Anonymous asked: Who is the oldest?

Everyone thinks its Duncan BUUUUUT they dont know the boys suffer from benjamin button syndrome and they are actually aging backwards so Dave is in fact the oldest

Anonymous asked: Who has the biggest wiener?

Well aren’t you a cheeky little minx?!

Oh you must be reffering to the daschunds. This person knows their TBL stuff. After Ben’s addiction to horse racing (and his lack of skill for it) he started an underground dog racing ring. Every friday night they race their weiners around the baseball diamond. Ben’s weiner is the biggest, Duncan’s is the prettiest, Jonnie’s is the fastest, and Dave’s has the most behavior problems.

Anonymous asked: Does Dave really have butt implants?

Kim Kardashian is the one that started that evil rumor to throw them off the trail of her own suspicious booty. After careful examination and a bootleg x-ray it has been determined that the booty is all Dave.

Anonymous asked: Does Duncan smoke weed?

He drinks hemp. Snoop Dog saw him hangin out with Drake and got jealous so in an attempt to win Duncan’s love he gave him some chronic ice and Dunc was hooked.

Anonymous asked: Are they coming to Minnesota?

I regret to inform you that the boys will never be coming to Minnesota. They are banned from the state because they broke numerous laws on their last visit, some of them being

no sleeping naked

all men riding motorcycles must wear shirts

a person may not cross the state line with a duck on his head

Anonymous asked: Can TBLS find Carmen San Diego and Waldo?

Who do think those two work for? This is a bit of an inside tip so I may be murdered mysteriously for saying this but how do you think TBLS knows where the boys are all the time and what they are up to? Those two keep tabs on them like nobodys business. Plus everyone knows TBLS is like the cartoon version of the illuminati (without the devil worshipping). Cartoon organized crime

Anonymous asked: Dave has a really wide tongue ?

Its not very wide. Like a giraffe its long and skinny and black. He can use it as a whip if he’s feeling adventurous

Anonymous asked: Is it true Duncan has a secret child that he hides in the purses he carries?

Oh that baby? Nah. He won that in a “Win the baby from the hangover” contest and thats not a purse thats a baby backpack..er..frontpack. He doesnt claim Dave as his child but since Dave wont fit in a purse I dont think this question reffers to him.

Anonymous asked: Word on tha street is that Jonnie likes having sex in public is this true?

Very true. He has to sow his wild oats while he still can! Have you seen avatar women?! Dunc and Jonnie started a sex duck game back in Canada. They have an ugly duck statue they were trying to get rid of. One night Jonnie walked in on Dunc and a girl so he made Dunc take the ugly duck statue. Then Dunc caught Jonnie on the boat with a girl so Jonnie had to take the duck. Now the duck is more of a trophy than an eyesore and they competitively have sex in strange places to try and get the duck for their own porch

Anonymous asked: Does Ben really never fart?

After a terrifying wetsuit accident on a dive with Jonnie, Ben decided he didnt ever want to fart again. Being the great networker that he is he joined forces with the creators of gas x to create toot tones. The device converts the usual disgusting sounds to pleasant ringtones and adds a puff of fresh linen smell. Now everyone just thinks “hmm Ben smells super clean and my what a nice ringtone he has”.  

Anonymous asked: Would you be embarrassed if TBL read these questions and answers?

I doubt they will cuz I am practically invisible to them. I’m quite under the radar, but if they did we could probably get a little more honesty from them They could confirm how acurate these answers are.

Anonymous asked: How many cats does Duncan have?

Ben loves cats, Duncan loves dogs. Somehow they make the friendship work. Duncan had a cat when he was little. He found it while he was camping. They played for hours and then mama Penn called Dunc in for the night. He didnt want to leave his cat friend so he put it on top of the cooler and told it to stay. The next day it was still there! He was so happy that they did this little trick the whole camping trip. When it was time to go home little Duncan looked up at mama Penn through his messy blonde hair and asked her if he could take his cat friend home but she said no because Mac would eat it. He had to watch out the car window as they drove away from his furry little friend. Ever since then he has hated all cats. Its just too painful for him.

Anonymous asked: Did Nigel Diamond really star in a porno?

You caught that huh? Yes. Nigel Diamond was the original web star on a site called Yacht Naughty. Young Nigel bought himself a yacht and then him and his girl took off sailing around the world. All the did was travel, make sex videos, and enjoy life. Everything was going fine until the girl tied Jonnie up during foreplay one night and left him stranded on an island. She stole the boat and sailed off into the sunset never to be seen again. Nigel only escaped the island because he used vines to make a giant sling shot that launched him off the island.

Anonymous asked: Does the Jersey Shore cast watch the buried life?

Snookie’s character is based off of Ben. Your not supposed to notice that but it’s an obvious reuse of character traits! We all know they do.

Anonymous asked: Did you know that if you re-arrange tbl it makes blt?

You have a very keen eye

Did you know the letters make blt but if you ask tbl to make a blt they’ll tell you to make your own sandwich

Anonymous asked: Does Duncan sleep naked?

Not in Minnesota! They dont make pajamas for Space Bulls so Duncan has no choice but to sleep naked. Thats also why he loves those mirrors above his bed. Objects in mirror may appear larger…

Anonymous asked: What type of girl will Jonnie marry?

Well if it wasnt for that dang avatar chick JP could marry his TRUE love. She’s quite mysterious but from what I know of her she is very beautiful. She works as a storyteller at the marketplace in a dusty little village that is hidden from most of the world. She secretly leads a band of mauraders. They met when she almost robbed Jonnie one night on the sahara. She saved him from her band of ruffians because she loved his Jonnie-ness.

Anonymous asked: Why did Jonnie have pink hair?

He was kickin it with Gwen Stefani one night and she was like “we should make a bikini music video!!” He thought that sounded like a great idea. She’s all, “We need a boat so you look like James Bond”, and he’s like “yeah, I dig it!”. Then she says “Lets call Katy Perry and see if you can lick drugs off her leg”. So they call her and Katy says she has a sunburn from a long car ride in short shorts while filming her last video but she wants to come help. So she shows up with pink hair dye and a candy bikini. She swears slut candy is the hot new trend but JP isn’t too sure. They finally settle on turning his head into a cotton candy look alike to amp up the sex appeal and the bands first musci video was made.

Anonymous asked: Does Jonnie do drugs?

Only catnip

Anonymous asked: Where would you take Duncan on a date?

Duncan is not even ready for me. He’s from space and I’m an adventurer. He couldnt keep up. If I did go out with him I’d go easy on him. I could bread crumb trail him with mangos to an island for flaming golf and croc surfing.

Anonymous asked: What do you think about TBLS?

I have always loved cartoons so I am pretty in love with TBLS. Saturday mornings I get the urge to grab a bowl of cereal and check out their page.

Anonymous asked: What is the name of the buried life theme song?

MXPX- Responsibility

Anonymous asked: Who are the actors in the buried life?

David spade, keiko (previously starred in Free Willy), Captain Planet, and Waldorf from Drawn Together

Anonymous asked: Is Duncan really the biggest slut?

Not at all. He’s just misunderstood. The queen of England told him if he doesnt create a full blonde hair, blue eye army for her then its off with his head. He’s just tryin to keep the queen happy. It’s really quite noble of him if you think about it.

Anonymous asked: Is true that Jonnie and Duncan are the same person?

Jonnie was supposed to be a clone of Duncan. The cloning was done in an ACME lab though (we’ve seen how those products are working out for Wiley Coyote) :-/ the glitches are still being worked out

Anonymous asked: What do they think about TBLS?

Funny you should ask that…. I think we might be about to find out. Its going to be like Who framed Roger Rabbit all over again. I’ve got to watch my back now cuz I outed them and Carmen is going to come looking for me

Anonymous asked: What kind of answers are these

Outrageous but slightly plausible (some of them)

Anonymous asked: How is Duncan dating his own son?

They have different rules when it comes to space births. I thought everyone knew that.

Anonymous asked: Where did you hide the tablets?

Really?!! Did you think it would be that easy? I didnt go to all that trouble to steal them just to tell you where they are at. I had to kiss a cobra for crying out loud! Just know that they are hidden where you will never find them and they are heavily guarded

Anonymous asked: Are you in TBLS?

1- I am not a cartoon

2- If I was in TBLS I’d say I’m a pretty shotty member because its supposed to be a secret group and I’m telling all their secrets

Anonymous asked: Does tbl spy on their fans?

Of course they spy on you. Thats where they get all their best ideas from

Anonymous asked: Who tells better stories you or Duncan?

I’ll leave this one up to you guys. I’d sound a bit concieted if I said my answer

Anonymous asked: How tall is Ben?

About the size of a female ostrich

Anonymous asked: Is there going to be a season 3?

Not as we know it. Since MTV is stupid the boys will switch networks to something better suited for them (BET) and join forces with Rachel Ray and Will Farrel/ J.J. Abrams for a show thats a combination of lonely island and cake boss.

Anonymous asked: Where do they live?

Jonnie lives at the Roussanou Monastary in the heart of Central Greece.

Dunc lives on an abandoned Pirate ship since he’s a man of the sea

Ben lives overtop of a night club.

Dave had a tree house, but he is between trees right now so he sleeps ontop of the bar at Ben’s house

Anonymous asked: Do you think TBL will read this?

Doubt it… but TBL if you are reading this heyyyy

Anonymous asked: Do you write romance novel?

I could but not without a few totally immature giggles

Anonymous asked: Who is their favorite TBL fan?

the obvs answer is me jk jk

they have a shuffle app on their phone so everyday they just run their fans and friends through that and it’ll tell them who their favorite should be for the day. When that doesnt work they consult their magic 8 ball and just blurt out any name they can remember.

Anonymous asked: I read one of your stories online. Do you have any about the buried life?

I have some characters loosely based on some of the tbl members but no official buried life stories. Me and the girlsdo add them to a few comics every once in a while

Anonymous asked: Why cant a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?

Canadians dont let americans bring their trash into the country lol jk jk calm down. Thats from my flight attendant days. I think the best answer here is that if he’s living you really shouldnt bury him anywhere just yet.

Anonymous asked: Are they really TBLS?

They didnt start it but they joined the club after they finally caught on. Paula Abdul, Ellen, and Oprah are also TBLS members

ooooohhh I’m in trouble for telling all their members

Anonymous asked: Are you a member of the buried life?

There is a female version of The Buried Life I’m on that. We are a little more crazy but we stay under the radar better

Anonymous asked: When does season 3 start?

New year= a new season.  Jan 2 2012 (if we survive yet another world end)

Anonymous asked: What would you do if Duncan showed up at your house?

Invite him in. Unless we were doing something crazy at the house, which happens a lot, then I’d jump outside, close the door and tell him to follow me. Maybe if he was nice i would show him the secret room in my library.

Anonymous asked: Who sings the intro song?

Celine Dion

Anonymous asked: Do you want to have blonde babies with Duncan Penn?

Don’t assume they would be blonde anon. I say it all the time. No matter who the guys is my brunette genes will win. My genes would dominate his genes

Anonymous asked: Do you know any members of TBLS?

Well I named the celebrity members already. The lost boys make up another large portion of TBLS

Anonymous asked: Would you ever have sex with Duncan?

If sex were a sandwich and the sandwich was toasted turkey, swiss, and ranch then yes

Anonymous asked: When are they coming to Chicago?

Whew, you guys are exhausting! Its taking me forever to answer these because there are a ton and a girl can only be so creative in one day!

They will be in Chicago on the next waning crescent moon when the moon is in GeminiWill

you write a story about the buried life?

I am full of stories but I’m spent on TBL stories for the day. Maybe someday if thats where the story leads I’ll write a silly short one about them but I’m not feelin it right now.   

Why was Jonnie on a boat?

He had just f-ed a mermaid  

Why wont Ellen dance with them?

She was pretty offended when JP borrowed her indian headress and didn’t bring it back. Not to mention she loves dancing. Have you seen Ben dance? Don’t even get her started on Jonnie’s cowboy dance! She doesnt want to look lousy. Thats pretty much the gist and the nub of it all.  

Where are they now?

They are picking up some items from a cave in Bolivia. They are going to need them for some season 3 stuff they are filming. Jonnie is back at headquarters stocking up on yams and sour cream.    

Who do you like the best?

Donkey Jote’ He’s obvs a donkey and he made a short but epic appearance in season 1. He was highly overlooked  

If you had to make a sex tape with one of them who would you pick and why?

Dave is out because too many people have seen him naked. Nobody will pay for what they can see for free. A scorpio would be most apt to hande my minxyness but when making a sex tape you want a good actor and a bit of shock factor. Something the audience has never seen…. I’ll get back to you on that one. I know who we wont be calling (Ray J) for suggestions.  

Where are they going to be next?

The Haro wine battle. Its basically a water fight using wine.  

What does one do at an avatar wedding?

It involves a lot of rope, some blue paint, and good mosquito repellent.  

What kind of girls do each of them like?

Jonnie- Mysterious arabian storytellers Duncan- Blonde pin-ups Ben- Party girls that come in a gaggle Dave- Short amazon women    

Do the guys have any hidden talents?

Duncan can talk to buses Ben can do women’s hair and make up with his eyes closed Dave can sing all the lyrics to “no scrubs” Jonnie can play the spoons  

Have you ever met any of the boys?

I have come across them twice. The first time I was dog sledding in the iditarod.  My dogs ran off so I had to harness some penguins. Thankfully the boys had werewolves attached to their sled and they gave me and my crew a tow.  The second time I was just leaving thailand in my hot air balloon on my way to cairo. Dave’s navigation skills had gotten them quite lost and I had to save them from a primitave tribe that wanted to drop them in a volcano. I guess that means were even now.

What does the buried life mean?

Jonnie has a fear of being buried alive so the boys buried him one day to help him get over his fear. While he was in the box he kept thinking of all the things he would do when he got out. This kept him calm and is also what inspired the buried life.  

Why do they hate pants?

Heroes do not wear pants  

How did the buried life start?

A poker game with hades  

Who is the best dancer?

Ben’s alter ego Benisha Barbarian  

What is the name of Jonnie’s band?

Bikini...oh wait, nvm

Your band name sucks  

Why did they name it Bikini?

because calling it ,your band name sucks was getting them into too many street fights and you can only be so ninja when your full of four loko.